


Best Man and Butler of Honor

by sweet_witch_hella_knight



Category: That Guy with the Glasses/Channel Awesome
Genre: Best Man, F/M, Gen, Maid of honor, Weddings, tfw your kidnapper finds love and you still haven't
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-08
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2019-03-28 13:07:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13904643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweet_witch_hella_knight/pseuds/sweet_witch_hella_knight
Summary: Benny is the groom's right hand man, and he's grateful to be a part of this wedding. Nostalgia Critic is the bride's right hand man, and he....isn't.





	Best Man and Butler of Honor

**Author's Note:**

> UGH I LOVED THAT WEDDING. of course i had to write a fic about it, and i've always wanted to write benny/devil boner interaction, and i also got to delve into some awkward hyper/critic interaction. also i still lowkey ship benny/critic lol.
> 
> i researched wedding stuff for this but a lot of it didn't really come to fruition bc fuck it, the wedding itself didn't follow tradition either.

If you had told Benny three years ago that he would end up the best man at his number one client's wedding, his first reaction would be, "Is it possible to carry out best man duties efficiently while holding a gun to the groom's head?" Surprisingly, that question was moot, because somehow Hyper had managed to find a husband who was as off-the-wall as she was. Too off-the-wall to even dress traditionally.

"I still think you should have sprung for a real tux," Benny told Devil Boner, who was putting on his tee with a tuxedo graphic.

"Well, I won our duel, so you don't get to judge what I wear." Benny grimaced at the memory: he had to surrender to Devil Boner's three-gun arsenal (two in the hand and one on the groin) and lost their bet over Devil Boner's wedding attire. "Besides, if I wore the tux, I wouldn't be able to move around as well."  
  
"Funny. I can move in it just fine." Benny popped his collar with a smirk.  
  
Devil Boner rolled his eyes. "Okay, if I have to kill someone I don't wanna get blood on something that expensive."  
  
"I know how to get blood out of anything." Benny stared down Devil Boner. "And I mean _anything._ "  
  
"Okay, fine!" Devil Boner threw his hands in the air. "I just wanted to be able to wear my leather over it. Stop acting like you're so much slicker than me!" Benny adjusted his shades as Devil Boner put his leather jacket on over his tee. "Anyway, it doesn't matter. I asked Hyper and she said she's gonna love me no matter what I wear at the altar, so piss off."  
  
Benny couldn't argue with that. Hyper may have been wearing a dress that day, but she wore the pants in their household for sure. "Fair point."  
  
Devil Boner looked at himself in the mirror with a proud grin, though it soon faded a bit. "You don't think she would have liked it more if I _had_ worn the tux though, right? I mean, I'm willing to be uncomfortable if it makes her happy, y'know?"  
  
Benny put his hand on his bro's shoulder. "I'm sure she's not that picky."

* * *

  
  
"Are you sure we have enough flowers?" Hyper asked her "maid of honor". She had planned to carry more, but the first bouquet she bought was accidentally destroyed in a fiery explosion after a failed waffle breakfast, and she ended up with only the few black roses she held in her hands. "I know it shouldn't really matter, but people want me to be this beautiful princess bride today and I want to have a beautiful bouquet."  
  
"How the hell would I know?" In a chair in the women's restroom sat Nostalgia Critic, annoyed as hell by her rambling. "I never really had a reason to look into the aesthetic of a wedding. Kind of hard to fall in love and get married when everyone attracted to you is fucking insane. No offense...well, now that I think about it, actually, yes offense."  
  
Hyper condescendingly patted Critic on his head. "Now, Critic, if you keep acting like you don't want to be here, I'm going to have to chain you to the chair and neither of us want that to happen." She paused. "Okay, at least one of us doesn't want that to happen."  
  
With a scowl, Critic said, "The flowers look fine. They match the blackness of your soul."  
  
Hyper ignored the insult and beamed. "Thanks, maid of honor!"  
  
"I'm not your maid!" Critic snapped. "Why couldn't you get an actual woman to do this?"  
  
"Oh, all my girl friends were just busy this week," Hyper lied. She didn't have a lot of women she was close enough to to call upon- the Hardy Squad had broken up after Hyper prevented their potential foursome with Devil Boner and the Aw Girls didn't think her husband was cute enough (something that boggled Hyper's mind). Tamara had made her dress after a lot of coaxing, but was too busy watching a bajillion Oscar-nominated movies to actually attend the wedding. "Anyway, I didn't _force_ you into it this time, did I?"  
  
Critic pointed his finger accusingly at the bride. "You lied to me about it. You said I could just be a guest, and I was fine with that because hey, free cake, booze, dancing, that's fun. _Then_ you sprung the...whatever of honor title onto me once I couldn't say no." He regretted sending the RSVP when Hyper started pleading for him to basically be her assistant at the wedding, basically backing him into a corner. Didn't help that her fiance had _literally_ backed him into a corner with a gun to his head the first time he turned the offer down. "I was not willing to work for you like _this._ "  
  
"You helped bring us together, Critic," Hyper said. "The least we could do was give you a major role in our special day."  
  
"I can assure you I would have been fine as a guest instead of...what, man of honor?"  
  
Scrunching up her nose, Hyper commented, "'Man of honor' kinda sounds more like a war game than anyone in a bridal party." She clapped with an idea. "Ooo! Since you pointed out how you work for me, maybe you can be like, my butler of honor?" she suggested, giggling at the prospect.  
  
Critic sighed. "Anything other than 'maid' is fine by me." He pointed to the bathroom stall. "Now go put your dress on. The longer we hoard a convention restroom, the more likely chance we have of being attacked by a mob with fake lightsabers."  
  
Hyper touched Critic's shoulder and smiled, making him tense. "Thank you, Critic!" She started into the stall. "No peeking, 'kay?"  
  
Even if he wanted to try and sneak a peek of her changing, her groom would beat him to death. Either way, he wanted to use this time of being alone to take a breather and maybe a short nap too.

* * *

  
Benny looked over Devil Boner's shoulder as Devil Boner stared into the mirror with a proud smile. Despite the casual attire, the groom did look pretty damn good. The only thing Benny thought was if he needed a quick shave, but he also knew (from hearing her gush about Critic as well as her current love) that Hyper loved the scratchy feeling of kissing a dude with a short beard.  
  
"Looking good," he commended the groom, then sniffed the air. "Did you wear cologne?"  
  
"Yeah, it'll probably get overtaken by the gunpowder smell that'll be floating around, but either way I think she'll be satisfied."  
  
"You know she's always satisfied with you," Benny said, gripping the groom's shoulder. "You're her perfect match."  
  
Devil Boner turned and looked at Benny. "She's my awesome little firecracker. I gotta have her by my side forever."  
  
Benny took a bit to remember how he met Hyper: frantic, a bit disgusting, making herself miserable obsessing over anybody who could give her attention. If she hadn't been desperate for a mate, she never would have hired Benny at all. It was kind of miraculous that she happened upon a man like Devil Boner, who respected who she was, creepiness and weirdness and all, and in turn caused her to respect _him._ She didn't even need Benny for emotional support once she found Devil Boner.  
  
He gripped Devil Boner's shoulder even harder, knowing if it weren't for the fact they had become bros over _Ever After_ , he probably would have killed them both before they could ever tie the knot.  
  
Maybe he could send Andy Tennant a thank-you note or something.

But now it was almost noon, and he had to get things ready quickly- and thankfully Benny was all about being quick.  
  
"You got the rings?" Devil Boner asked. Benny held up the Green Lantern and severed finger wedding bands that he was keeping in his pocket. "And the celebratory machine guns?" Benny held the two guns they would use to punctuate the ceremony. "Awesome. Glad you always got your shit together, Benny."  
  
"Anything for my favorite sparring partner," Benny said, fist-bumping the groom. "Now get ready to walk out there. You have a fangirl to wed."  
  
As Benny watched Devil Boner prepare to proudly strut down the aisle through the Kami-Con crowd, he felt glad to be this couple's best friend. The only thing he loved more than a good kill, after all, was a killer love story.

* * *

  
  
Hyper emerged from the bathroom stall, stirring Critic from his nap. He'd seen her try on the dress before, because she dragged him to all her fittings, but never had gotten this close. Even though she had a terrible personality that outweighed any physical attributes she had, Critic had to admit that she did clean up nicely in her orange dress and veiled tiara. (Granted, the bar was set pretty low, given her normal disheveled appearance.)  
  
When she caught a glimpse of herself in the bathroom mirror, Hyper's mouth fell open and she just stared in disbelief.  
  
"I look like...a _girl_ ," she finally commented. "No, like...like a _princess._ " She twirled around a little in her dress, smiling widely. Then, she turned to Critic. "You think it looks nice, right, Critic?"  
  
Critic threw his hand up casually. "I don't think I should be the one you seek validation from."  
  
Hyper nodded firmly. "Right." She paused. "But do you think my snugglebunny will like it, though?"  
  
_Jesus, where does she come up with those names?_ Critic thought to himself. Still, despite all his negative feelings, he knew he could muster up some positive truth about Hyper and her actual true love. "I really do. You two are terrifyingly perfect for each other."  
  
"We really are, Critic, we really are." Hyper looked ready to cry. "Oh my god, I'm getting married. We're going to be bound together until death do us part." Critic wished she hadn't said the phrase "bound together" in front of him. "And y'know, I do have to thank you for this, Critic."  
  
"Me?"  
  
"Yeah. If it weren't for my chasing you, I never would have found my actual love," she said with a smile. "You're the best red-tied red herring a girl could ask for!"

"But I'm not wearing my red-"

"Don't ruin my cute pun, Critic," Hyper interrupted.  
  
"Okay, well, uh, thanks, I guess," Critic said, confused but willing to accept a compliment as long as she didn't touch him. He did feel the _teensiest_ bit of pride when she put it that way, but it also added to his bitterness. Again, it wasn't like _his_ self-loathing and need for attention had been partly cured by any good romantic partner.  
  
Thankfully, her phone buzzed with a reminder before she tried to hug him or anything. She let out an ear-piercing squeal. "It's almost time for me to go out there!" Critic got up behind her as she stood in front of the door, breathing in and out and making sure she looked perfect. Critic tapped his foot and waited for her to leave so he could just leave already.  
  
Eventually she burst out the door and looked at all the people there, all waiting to see her marry Devil Boner. It felt right for Hyper and, in his own relieved way, it felt right for Critic.

* * *

  
  
The best man and the butler of honor sat together at the reception and watched the newlyweds have their first tipsy dance of the evening. Neither half of the couple really knew how to slow dance, so they were just holding hands and twirling around like mad, occasionally shooting off their guns to the beat.  
  
"This wedding is so fucking weird," Critic snarked.  
  
"Tell me about it." Benny thought about cracking a joke about how the wedding in _Princess Diaries 2_ was still probably weirder than this one, but he didn't want to lower Critic's mood further. "But if you have to break tradition to be romantic, then I think it's worth it in the end."  
  
Dodging a stray bullet that nearly shot a hole through his drink, Critic said, "I think they're breaking a lot more than tradition here."  
  
Benny laughed. He and Critic knew Hyper Boner's craziness probably better than anybody else. "So how's it feel? Not jealous, are you?"  
  
" _God_ , no," Critic said immediately. He didn't know what he was feeling exactly, if he was actually happy that the girl that tortured him was happier than she used to be, or just grateful to see her focus on anybody but him, or some bizarre mix of the two. And if he _was_ jealous, it wasn't of Devil Boner. It was of the whole idea of people being happy with each other.  
  
"Right now all I'm feeling is that I want more peppermint schnapps," Critic said, raising his glass. This time a bullet actually did go through it, and he shouted, "Shit!" as what was left of the spirit started to leak.  
  
"Sorry, guys!" Hyper shouted before going back to dancing with her husband.  
  
Benny shook his head. Unlike Critic, he knew he was happy for the couple, and knowing he was a part of their day outweighed any potential jealousy. They were a part of his fucked up family, and he really did love them.  
  
Before he started crying like a bitch at the romance in the air, he looked at the frustrated Critic, trying to plug up the hole and savor what was left in his glass, and asked, "You wanna snag a dance up there if they ever get off the floor?"  
  
"Just one," Critic said. "Then I'm getting out of here."  
  
"Just know that the best man leads," Benny smirked at Critic.  
  
"Yeah," Critic said, unamused. "I kind of figured."


End file.
